This post is written mostly for me and may not make any sense to you. I need to purge feelings by writing and that's why this little ole blog was started in the first place.
When I was single I had never felt more close to the Lord. I literally carried my bible every where I went because I could not get enough scripture! I couldn't get enough truth and enough of the living water. I hungered for it.
After marriage something shifted. It wasn't my husband's fault but I had a hard time understanding my role in marriage. I had a hard time putting my husband first before my other family. I struggled with the loss of my baby. There were many other factors. But mostly because I had turned my eyes off of Him and chose to focus on myself.
I slowly stopped hearing the Holy Spirit's nudging to read scripture. I stopped feeling thirsty for scripture and my spiritual life became a drought.
I have been in this dry season for a while. I've briefly touched on it before in previous posts.
I recently started a Beth Moore study called "Breaking Free" the revised edition. I did the original 6 years ago and it was one of the most life changing bible studies I have ever been apart of. I am so excited to be going through this study again in a different phase in my life, as a wife and a mom.
There has been so much going on behind the scenes with extended family that I have not blogged about. I won't give details but I recently had to end the relationship of someone that was extremely toxic to my family. The toxicity was affecting my ability to be a good wife and mother. Coming to that decision was a very hard one. One that came with a lot of tears and backlash from others.
Although I am sad, I am relieved to let go and move on. Ready to raise my son (soon to be children) in a peaceful home. I am excited to meet God in this place and to grow spiritually!
It is so important to my husband and myself for our children to be raised in a godly home. I have to allow God to work on my heart and create a new steadfast spirit.
I am thankful for those of you that read this blog and I hope that I can continue to be honest with you and share life with you!
"He brought me out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps strong."
Psalm 40:2
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I am a sinner saved by grace! I love being a wife and absolutely adore my husband. My newest role as mother has been incredible! Before God blessed us with our little man we struggled with infertility and suffered a loss. To read about our loss click here. I am a professional photographer living out my dream one frame at a time.
Hubby
My husband is adventurous, loving, patient, funny, encouraging, forgiving, talented and my best friend. We met through a mutual friend at church. The fact that he could sing and play guitar was what caught my eye. But his personality and love for the Lord is what won my heart. Well that and his smile!
Little Man
Little man is our little blessing. He made is big debut on June 1, 2009. He is such a happy boy, who is very curious about the world around him. Which is a nice way of saying, he is into everything! We found out we were pregnant with him two days before we had our first infertility specialist appointment. God is good!
Cohen
Our second blessing, Cohen was born December 2, 2010. He and his brother are almost exactly 1 year 1/2 apart. We love watching his personality shine through and are blessed to have him in our family!
Mason
Mason is our third boy and the best surprise we've ever received! His big brothers love him to pieces. So far he is a laid back baby who is already sleeping through the night.
What's in my bag
It's as if I were reading my own post! Praying for both of us!
ReplyDeleteStaying focused on a personal relationship with God while dealing with family issues is a HUGE issue I have too. For some reason I don't mean to, but I stop seeking His wisdom in that area. Thanks for your honesty. I'll keep you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI too have found myself reading scripture less and less. I make excuses, like my boys need my time or life is just too hectic, but in the end, I know I need time alone with the lord. You are not alone, my friend. We all struggle with this issue. Thanks for being so real.
ReplyDeleteMonica, I know exactly how this feels! I have been struggling with wanting to get back into God's Word but not doing it. I know I should just start up and start to make it a habit and then I will want to do it every day. I am going to see if that Beth Moore book is in my local library. I just ordered this past winter her book "So Long Insecurity..." I have yet to read that. It seems that most of my problems stem from looking at myself too much and not looking to Him.
ReplyDeleteI think most of us, too, can understand about toxic relationships in our families...those are the hardest to let go because they are family and those around us might not understand why they need to be cut off.
I'll pray for you as I pray for myself in this area, too.
Thanks for sharing your heart!
It's a great post. I've certainly been in "mires" like this. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeletewhat a great post, mon. bravo to you for being so brave to share this with us. you're so loyal to your "hubby" and children, i admire that. i'm very proud of you and so happy to hear that you've got direction again!
ReplyDeletebeth moore is awesome! i'm doing her esther study right now and i highly recommend it!!!
ReplyDeletecongratulations on coming back to your first love. =0) Praying for you. I have started postings called "the Vigilant Wives Club." It is a series of posts that a friend started and I joined in on the band wagon. They are meant to be encouraging and challenging too. =0) Praying for strength and to hear the Holy Spirit clearly. =0)
ReplyDeletehttp://lovinglifeslittlemoments.blogspot.com/
So glad you found something that fills your soul!
ReplyDeleteIn dealing with the first topic, I too have had less time in prayer and reading the Bible...I have put the blame on becoming a mother, being a wife and working full time...but it shouldn't be that way, I know that if I put God first all the rest will fall into place. I need to prioritize better huh?!!
ReplyDeleteThis is where more time would be helpful!
ANd as far as the cutting off ties with a family member, we've been there! It has been a year of not talking to hubby's sis and kiddos...and they live just 2 places down the country road from us...very hard, but it is where we need to be right now...God's plan will guide us through...and he will strengthen you and your family through this too. Hugs to you Monica :)
I have to say I can relate. I too have a very difficult time putting my husband in a place as head of the family. He is wonderful but has no interest in joining us at church or anything else spiritually. I too have faltered as we lost our 3rd child but have been renewed with the discovery of a new church community.
ReplyDeleteI hope that this new bible study(and you know I am going to need to look into it)helps you return to the place you cherish and that the challenges you are facing bring you peace.
Hey Monica, I was reading your post, and it was a lot of "I could have written this myself." But then, reading through the other comments, I'm realizing that you and I are not alone in these journeys. I'm just feeling like I'm coming full circle to a great place with God- although I'm still not in the scripture as much as I want to be. But I'm working on that. I've also started a prayer journal...which is really helping open some new dialouge with Him. I'm toying with the idea of eliminating a toxic friend from my life, but I'm struggling with that- wondering if I'm supposed to shine for God in this person's life or let go and protect myself. After spending so many years investing in a friendship, its hard to cut it off, you know? I'm so glad you feel you can put yourself out there and show hope for the future.
ReplyDeleteHis well never runs dry. The problem is that often times we are parched with thirst because we won't get up off the desert floor and walk to the well. I'm guilty of that, we all are at times. I think you've just walked back to the well! :) ~ Grace and peace.
ReplyDeleteThank you ladies for sharing your honesty. It seems we've all been there at least once in our lives. I'm excited to come back to my first love! I will continue to share my journey with you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this post. It is uplifting. xxx
ReplyDeleteOh, i am desperate to do the Beth Moore study. There are a bunch of women doing the study now, but it's on Wed morning and I have 3 under 4 yrs old....sooo, how would I do that? argh. Please post your journey through the study..I would love to hear your thoughts/heart.
ReplyDeleteThanks!!!
kel
Coming out from lurking, to say, that I know about times of drought. I have been there. I will be praying for you as you dig into God's word. He is waiting for you with open arms!
ReplyDelete