Gathered around the dinner table eating a homemade meal is a favorite tradition in our family. Hubby will ask about my day and I share with him the mundane tasks I accomplished. You know I washed the clothes, vacuumed, wiped bottoms, said no about 1,000 times over and during nap time tried to put back together a house destroyed by two curious little boys. That's my day every. single. day. After sharing my day it's his turn to share his. His day usually consists of discovering new ways to save his company hundreds of thousands of dollars, meeting with fun people, jet setting all over the world in first class, and sometimes a few rounds of golf. He's valuable to his company and gets recognition for his hard work. He's relevant to people.
Lately I've been finding longing for that type of freedom, longing for that kind of value. I feel trapped behind diapers, laundry, meals, and other mundane tasks. I can't go to the grocery store any time I feel like it, heck I can barely find the time to wash my hair! (yes, I take baths but washing my hair is whole other luxury) It's so frustrating to hear my sister say, (who is single without children) "Well, this is the life you wanted."
That's true. I longed for this life and I wouldn't trade my boys for the world. I love them so much!! But today, today I'm struggling. Today Satan is pulling out all the stops. He's telling me that as a stay at home mom I am nothing more than a babysitter. That I hold no value. I know that these are lies. I know that God's calling is for me to stay home with my boys to instill God's truth in their hearts. And I know that, that will have a generational impact. I know all those things...
But that doesn't mean that I'm not human. That doesn't mean that I don't find myself struggling with a little bit of jealousy towards my husband when I hear of his adventurous and important role in the business world. Sigh... I am not perfect and with God's strength I will get past this slump. Now back to wiping noses and bottoms.
Have you ever felt like this?
Edited to add: Those that know him in real life already know this but I wanted to make it clear to others that don't. My husband is an incredibly encouraging man. Who daily praises my hard work at home and prays faithfully for his family. I am incredibly thankful for his job and for his leadership in our home.
Oh, friend. You are most definitely NOT alone. I struggle with this almost daily. Even though I'm working from home now, it's still frustrating when you feel trapped inside with little ones all day and can't get out and go like you want. But you're right: YOU are called to a higher calling and a higher purpose than you could ever imagine. You are playing a vital role in the lives of those two sweet boys! Hold your head up! And maybe take some time one day this week to go treat yourself to something nice. A mani/pedi, a new pair of shoes...a quiet shower to wash your hair. ;) Hugs!
ReplyDeleteNo advice since I fell the exact same way, but my sister told me the same thing, and told me how awful I was as a mom. Now that she has a baby, she constantly rubs it in my face about how she's such an awesome mom cuz she works and goes to school and on and on. But. My mom is the one raising her baby. So. Don't listen to the haters.
ReplyDeleteFirst time visiting and so glad that I did. Your blog and family are beautiful. I have many days when I long for just one moment of freedom, I even envy my husbands hour long drive home because it is in the quiet, alone, with the radio on whatever station he chooses. But I always remind myself of this, if it came down to it, there is no other job in the world that I would choose. There is nothing more important than being here for our kids as they grow up. When we are old and gray no one is going to remember us for what we did at work but they will remember us for what we did at home. Hope tomorrow is an easier day (and sorry for writing a book in your comments).
ReplyDeleteExactly my battleground lately. Satan is using the mundane and the beautiful kids I have to suck all the joy out. I am attempting to remind myself daily...and hourly...and minute by minute that "this is the day the Lord has made- I WILL rejoice in it" not that I hope to rejoice in it...but choosing to rejoice in it. hard to do.
ReplyDeletei really enjoy the very short book by Rachel Jankovic I posted a pic of it on facebook awhile ago.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150357296149007&set=a.10150169039724007.295487.586934006&type=3&theater
Oh man do i ever feel like this!! I think if they were honest all moms do. It's funny I have seen this very topic on mommy blogs all over lately! I linked a very cool article about this very topic on my blog if you care to check it out. I have 6 kids and a husband that works 24 hour shifts and there are days I would give anything to be doing anything but taking care of kids and a house alone. It's ok not to enjoy every second! Some days are just like that!
ReplyDeleteyes, some days I'm tempted to go off and fight the adventures that he fights and have him stay home... yes, but I'm so glad that I am right where I am... in the home with these precious babes.
ReplyDeleteThe very fact that Satan is trying to tell you that your work is worthless can be taken as proof that he is shaken by you. The work you are doing is by far the most important thing you could be doing at this moment in your life.
ReplyDeleteThose beautiful boys of yours? Chosen especially for you by the One who created them. YOU are the one to raise them.
Diapers, laundry, dishes, cleaning up, repeat...repeat...repeat... It gets to be boring and frustrating. Sure you wanted this life, but does that mean you can't have human emotions and frustrations? NOPE.
You are raising up these boys to become men of God. Don't for a second feel you are doing enough, or don't hold value. Yes, your husband has perks and praise, and that is wonderful for him, because that is what he has been called to do.
Your work may be unseen by others, but it is never unseen by the Lord. Your perks and praise will come when your boys are men, and you see the fruits of your labour. Your cup will run over.
Speak to that sweet husband of yours. Tell him you need some Monica time. Get your hair done, or wander the mall, have coffee with the girls. Be Monica. Rejuvenate yourself.
Mothering is tough work, but so rewarding. Some days more than others.
I'm praying for you, my sweet friend. You bless your precious family each and every day with all you do. Don't let yourself forget that.
xo.
I felt like that years ago when my children were young. They are precious even though we stay with them all day and then they got older and we homeschooled. Now they are adults and my son is married with two small children of his own. Hang in there, you are doing a very important job right now. They will get older and not so messy and more independent. You are shaping their minds. You instill Godly principles in their minds, whether they know it or not!
ReplyDeleteLook on the bright side and enjoy the dear ones now! Love the photos of your boy with the book in another post! God bless!